The million dollar internet

September 2, 2010

Am I weird?

Some days I find almost everything about using a computer unbelievably frustrating.

To make anything happen on WordPress, I now have to engage in an amazingly precise hovering maneuvre that seems to actually time me? And check out the menus…

Hm, what might one expect to find under ‘Pages’? But of course! ANOTHER BUTTON CALLED PAGES. Same goes for ‘Posts’. MAKE IT STOP. Four options under Polls though, I note, which is great because I USE POLLS JUST ALLLLL THE TIME.

Meanwhile, the websites of almost all magazines and newspapers these days seem to be Million Dollar Homepage minefields of constantly-accidentally-clicked adverts. Spotify is disgusting to look at and every time an advert comes on, a tiny piece of me dies. Twitter recently decided to make everything I had stop working in order to strongarm me into downloading the new version. Not only are things upgraded every few months now, they’ll actually TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU to force you to use the new one. Downloading, upgrading… it takes time. Time I don’t want to spend on this shit.

And iTunes! iTunes is fucking disgrace, I really hate it. Do you want to know what the thing is? I’ll tell you. The thing is: I NEVER – not EVER – want to listen to the same tune over and over again forever, so why is that the default? How do I make it stop? Why can’t I click on the pictures of my albums? Why do I have to go through manually to uncheck every tune I don’t want it to synch to my iPod? Why I can’t I delete songs OFF my iPod? I can’t even be bothered to find out the answers to these questions. So I guess I’ll just keep on skipping through every random old podcast and hilarious home-made mashup and random Shift Run Stop fridge recording sound file. Forever. By the time you read this, I will be dead.

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7 Responses to “The million dollar internet”


  1. One day in the future (the not too distant future) after Leila has done that really really bad thing to the Internet that made it stop, we will look back on these weblog articles and read them in reverse chronological order like Memento and all go My God, how did we not see it, at the time.

  2. enemyofchaos Says:

    hahaha I am trying to ‘like’ that comment, but of course there is no way to.

    I’ve been a bit grumpy on here lately. Lighten up, Johnston. Promise the next post will be about the Brittas Empire or men’s pyjamas in films.

  3. enemyofchaos Says:

    Maybe I should hold a WORDPRESS POLL to see which topic people would most like me to blog about next.

  4. iamjamesward Says:

    WordPress has a thing now where if you press a button, it takes you to a random post on your own blog. Why would anyone want that? It is of no use to me at all. All that happens is I click it, it takes me to a random post of mine, and I think “Christ, I actually bothered to type all those words. It was probably a sunny day when I typed that”.

  5. enemyofchaos Says:

    Ha, yes. And I still can’t get over the idea that there’s even a THING on iTunes/my iPhone that LETS it keep playing the same tune over and over again forever.

    I see no one’s taken up WordPress’s enticing invitation to ‘be the first to like’ this post. Come on! Imagine the kudos! Everyone wants to be the FIRST to like a thing!


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